I got pushed around by some goats

And my ongoing battle with mold

Hello, hello! 

I’m not going to deny that the past three weeks since my book came out have been a doozy.

While I spent the day of my publication day at my favorite cala, I then spent the rest of the night crying. Ridiculous, I know. A good friend (and the editor of my first cookbook) left me the loveliest voice note as I was driving home that was so sweet, supportive and kind that it made me hysterically burst into tears. The kind where I tried to voice note her back but was sobbing and gasping for breath.

A turtle and a pretty photo to apologize for my whining

She had been asking me how I thought it was going, and I told her honestly that I was a little worried as we didn’t have a “big media” item for the book, and she went on to say these lovely things. Some of it being that it might be a bit more like Keeping it Simple where it takes time for people to fall in love with it as they cook from it—my first book took a little over two months to really get noticed.

She’s right, and I think I had put this insane amount of pressure on myself building up to the launch week, so when it finally happened and this lovely person reached out with some kindness, exposing my worries, I finally cracked. I then made it worse because I was receiving so many sweet messages from friends and cooks who bought the book, so then I started feeling guilty about crying. This incredible thing happened, how could I be upset?!

Now that I’ve had some perspective, I think I let my ego and a craving to be on a best-seller list get the better of me and lost sight of what I was doing and why I was doing it. Plus, I felt a bit like I was letting down the people who believed in me because it wasn’t this instant mega hit (such a crazy thing to expect of creative work, isn’t it? But the pressure of those sales numbers is a very real thing).

I didn’t write this book for the numbers, even though those are very important, as it was something I was so excited to create and felt like it was pouring out of me, so it wasn’t right to put that pressure and those expectations on this book, especially a personal one. The book is not an obvious answer to something–yes it’s a dinner book, but it’s also full of stories, too—and I think it’s a bit like me. I can be a little weird and awkward when you first meet me. It’s a bit like, Who is this person? Do I like her? I think with time, hopefully the answer is yes :)

I have since recovered and now feel like I’m actually at the place where I wanted to be when it came out and that’s feeling free of the pressure and just enjoying that I wrote something with my whole heart and can be proud of that.

I will say I could not have done this without numerous friends listening to me whine about crying when my book came out, asking what was wrong with me, and giving me such beautiful advice. (Thank you all!!) I did love how my friend Annie Daly (she is amazing) casually dropped a Latin phrase in a voice note, res ipsa loquitur, which means, “the thing speaks for itself.” (When I googled it a lot of law things came up, but I’m going to ignore that for the moment.) I think so much of creative work is really about doing something you love and then letting it go and not getting attached to the outcome, even though that’s so freaking hard, and I clearly did not succeed.

It’s one of those crazy things that now that I’m out of that pressure cooker feeling, I can see how stressed I was. And, I added even more stress to myself because I was like, well, I’m here in Menorca, I shouldn’t be stressed. Isn’t that why I came here?!

Deep down I know that moving somewhere doesn’t automatically make me a different person, but also why did I need to add another layer of stress and judgment when I was already feeling badly?! 

The cave! (see below)

Enough whining on my end. Life otherwise is good save for a mold invasion in my home. I legitimately opened up a Dutch oven to find a world of mold inside, which, I’ve been told, is common here. The mold and I have been in an ongoing battle for a week now. Each time I launch my attack, I open the cabinet where the mold lives and say, “OK mold, this is it. You’re going down.” So far, it hasn’t worked. (I’m hoping last night’s move was the final one.)

I’ve also learned a lot about the island. First amazing fact, the road I live on was a former moat!! There was a wall built around the historic city center to protect it and a moat in front of it. I find this exceptionally interesting because I have been obsessed with moats since I was a little kid. Any sandcastle that I built or drawing that I made of a castle had a moat around it. I’m pretty sure I read about it in a book somewhere and thought that it was the most fascinating thing in the world. I would also add drawbridges and so on, filling the moat with alligators, snakes, sharks and other things that scared me (I’m not saying any of it was based in reality). So the fact that I’m now living on a former moat is pretty wild. 

The other Sunday, I went to a friend’s finca and we walked to the edge of his property where there was a large cave where the Talayotics, a prehistoric civilization who lived in Menorca dating back to the Bronze Age and Late Stone Age, used to use to perform rituals and ceremonies. Whether you’re someone who believes in the mystical/spiritual world or whatever you want to call it, there was something special about that cave. The minute you walked in, it was impossible not to feel how powerful it was. The silence, the cooler air and the protected red kites flying overhead made it all feel a bit magical. Plus, it was overlooking a ravine that runs through the island, and it was just one of those “wow” moments.

It was a great day, but I will say it was a long one and ended with me getting pushed over by a goat. In fairness, my job was to try and hold her as my friend got her baby to suckle as it needed more milk, and I failed. So, I got pushed over by a goat and fell. Twice. With a couple of other close calls. While I have always loved nature and the outdoors, city life has not prepared me for any of this. 

I’ve also never lived somewhere this size, and it was a shock realizing that people know who I am, not because I’m special, but because I’m new, and it’s a tight-knit community. It doesn’t feel like gossip because that has malicious undertones, it feels more like general chatter that’s good willed and conversational. There’s just no anonymity like I am used to. I knew that would be the case, but knowing something and experiencing it are always a bit different.  

Some lovely food at Sa Punta

Book News

Eat Your Books is doing a giveaway and has rounded up four recipes from the book online and the Braised Chicken Thighs with Coconut, Chile + Pineapple.

I’ll be in London May 18th at Toklas Bakery for a cookbook fair, please come say hi! The other authors are great and there will be food! Always a win. 

Recommendations

Pachinko by Min Jin Lee. I really enjoyed this book. Embarrassingly, I did not know a lot about the relationship between Korea and Japan in the late 19th and 20th century (I’m still not an expert), but it was illuminating to learn more through this historical fiction novel about three generations of a family. It’s from 2017 and has been loved by many, so I’m just late to the party. It was the only book I read as it’s another 500 page one, but a very good one!

I’ve recently gotten into podcasts (again late), but I have been loving Rick Rubin’s Tetragrammaton (so many good ones, but I loved that a recent one was about being barefoot and foot health—I’m a huge proponent of that and, much to the chagrin of my friends and family, have been wearing the Vibram’s FiveFingers for over a decade. Here in Menorca I usually just walk barefoot once I’m in nature). Simon Sinek’s A Bit of Optimism also has some good ones, which I got into because my friend Joanna sent me one about rom coms (love a good rom com). He has one on awkward people, and I felt very seen. Even if you don’t think I’m an awkward person, trust me, I am. There are moments in conversations when things come out of my mouth, and I’m like, what is the matter with me?! It’s uncomfortable for all.

Have a wonderful rest of the week!! xx